Of Fifty Shades and Romanticizing Abuse

I have many issues with 50 Shades of Grey. I don't have issues with sex, sexual expression, female sexuality, the BDSM lifestyle, or the fictionalized or non-fictionalized account of any of the above. What I have issues with is abuse, and the glorification of abuse, and the defense of abuse as something other than--you know--abuse. (The other issues I have with this series, which are of an intellectual property nature, can wait for another blog post.) You want to read erotica? Be my guest. BDSM erotica? I'll recommend some titles. Play around with or even enter into the lifestyle? What's done between educated, consenting adults acting as equals is fine with me. But 50 Shades of Grey is not what it's being classified as in popular culture. It's not erotic, it's sure as hell not romantic, and that's the issue.

Several years ago, I wrote a blog post about 50 Shades of Grey and media shaming. I admitted then that I hadn't read the series, but defended the right of anyone else to read it, without shame or judgement. I stand by that post; I still think that any woman (or man, but the focus is on female readers) should be able to consume and enjoy any book they please without being judged for their reading preferences. However, I have read some of 50 Shades of Grey since then (I could not make it the whole way through), and that reading changed my perspective on the text itself. I still think anyone should be allowed to read it if they so choose. And, if you are someone who enjoys it, more power to you. I do not, however, think we should focus on 50 Shades of Grey as a romance, or Christian Grey as a hero, or the relationship between Grey and Ana as a romance, when it is anything but.

With the 50 Shades of Grey movie release--right in time to coincide with Valentine's Day--I think it's important the conversation surrounding the film and book not seek to mock those women who enjoy it because they are publicly acknowledging an interest in sex (and let's be honest, that's what the mass media coverage is focusing on; the "joke" that is women being interested in a sexually explicit movie based off of novels called mommy porn). Instead, I think the conversation should focus on the dangers of selling an abusive, unstable relationship as the romantic ideal. It's not that I think audiences are too dumb to distinguish between fantasy and reality--it's that in our patriarchal reality, abusive, dysfunctional relationships are all too often romanticized. That's the conversation I want to see in the mainstream media--how a fictionalized relationship that involves stalking, intimidation, manipulation, and physical abuse is combined with Valentine's Day and sold as a romantic fantasy. What that fantasy, and the fact that so many intelligent women have bought into it, says about our culture and our understanding of what it means to be female and in a sexual relationship with a male. Notice I'm not stressing a female in a BDSM relationship, because members of the BDSM community have spoken out (far more eloquently and with more knowledge than I could as a outsider) about how 50 Shades of Grey is not an accurate reflection of their community. I'd argue that it's not meant to be; that instead it's a metaphor that uses bondage and domination to illustrate (rather clumsily) the idea that a perfect relationship places the women--and all aspects of her life--in the complete control of the man.

Don't believe 50 Shades of Grey is abusive? One woman has actually listed 50 examples of abuse directly from the text. You can read all 50 at her blog, The Rambling Curl. I can't sum it up any better than she already has.

What are your thoughts?

Of Chuck Wendig and Meninism

My love of Chuck Wendig is no secret. Quotes like the following are the reason why:

Men who think they've been victimized by feminism are like burglars who sue the homeowners they were burgling because they stubbed their toe on a fucking coffee table.
-Chuck Wendig

YESSSSSSSS! Yes.

Yes.

Read the full post here.

Reblog: Growing Up Poor and the HEA

I love the Wonkomance blog for a number of reasons. It centers around the romance genre, but it's so much more than the typical author, reader, or reviewer blog (not that there is anything wrong with any of those typical blogs). If you want insightful commentary and content that really cuts to the heart of the sometimes hidden, sometimes ignored, sometimes overlooked aspects of romance and the romance genre, Wonkomance is the place to go.

Yesterday, authors Audra North and Charlotte Stein created a joint post titled Perspectives: Growing Up Poor and the HEA. Wow. Just wow. I'm used to high quality content from Wonkomance, but this particular post struck me dumb. I've written and deleted 3 different attempts to explain why I think this is such an important conversation, and just how beautifully I think they handled it, but ultimately my bumbling attempts at addressing the way this post made me feel adds nothing to the conversation. And so, I will simply say read this post. Just, read it.

Of Harry Potter and Fond Worlds Revisited

JK Rowling has released an obscure tweet (and several hints about it) that seem to indicate another Harry Potter novel will be forthcoming.

Some fans have taken it to be an anagram that translates as: “Harry returns! Wont say any details now. A week off. No comment.”

Rowling has denied this, saying instead it is in reference Newt Scamander and the upcoming screenplay she's penning about his adventures in early 20th century New York. The anagram, it seems, is properly translated as "Newt Scamander only meant to stay in New York for a few hours".

As a Potterhead, I'm happy to accept whatever expansion of the wonderful, magical world of Harry Potter that Rowling is prepared to give us. Because she is such a master of deception, though, and so skilled at placing red herrings and subtle, often overlooked hints in plain sight, I can only hope we will someday have further adventures of Harry and his friends to grace our bookshelves and ereaders. 

Of Pinterest Inspiration, Decoupaged High Heels, and Harry Potter

Sometimes I like to play it a little fast and loose with the Mod Podge. I like crafting. What I lack in skill I make up for in blind enthusiasm and crafty naïveté. Because of this, Pinterest is a dark, dangerous place for me to lurk. Life can be going along at a merry pace when suddenly Pinterest pulls up in a van marked "free candy" or "DIY crafts" and I'm suckered in for the long haul.

Let's be honest, a Pinterest van would look WAY better than this

[photo credit: Randy Stewart via photopin cc; Alterations by Gretchen Stull]

Have you seen the trend of upcyling old high heels by decoupaging them to fit your interests? Pinterest has dozens of examples. We're talking Deadpool, Disney, Doctor Who, and romance novels, to name just a few. As always, my thoughts quickly went from "That's so cool!" to "I can totally do that." And I had just the heels to start with:

Sure, they don't look like much, but these are the heels that taught me to love high heels. The perfect height and as comfortable as a pair of sneakers. I *love* these heels, and it shows--they're beaten to complete hell. So scuffed, I can't wear them anymore. And yet, I couldn't find it within me to part with them. Now, I'm glad I didn't.

Now the next step, what to decoupage them with? I had Mod Podge (I always have Mod Podge), but in terms of subject matter, the options were endless. I have a lot of fandoms. A ridiculous number of beloved nerdy fandoms.What to choose? When in doubt, go with the obvious. Because I had a very batter copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone lying around, and because the Harry Potter series will always be a great love of mine, I decided to turn my favorite heels into Harry Potter heels.

After a bit of snipping, a bunch of Mod Podge, and more time than I'd like to admit, here's the end result (excuse the awful lighting):

The uppers I covered with my favorite quotes from the book, overlapping them and securing each layer with a coat of Mod Podge (I could be a spokesperson for this product, I swear. "Change your life, buy Mod Podge!").

For the backs, I used the title and author name from the title page. 

I used an x-acto knife to cut "Harry Potter" from the gold foil embossing on the cover, and attached the name to the toes of the shoes.  

The soles may be my favorite part. I lacquered the bottoms purple, then used images cut from the cover to lay over the lacquering. It may be difficult to see with the glare (we have mainly natural light in my house, which is great for humans, bad for pictures), but it's Harry reaching for the snitch on the left sole, and the snitch zooming in over the words "The Sorcerer's Stone" on the right sole. 

I need to hit them with one last coat of finishing spray, and they'll be ready to wear. I have to say, I'm quite pleased with the results. 

What do you think? Up for decoupaging a pair of your own heels? What subject/fandom should be covered next? How would you improve upon the basic decoupaging scheme (does it include glitter? I bet it includes glitter...)? Let me know in the comments. Happy crafting!